But how realistic is it that everyone had $25 on them randomly? NTA. And doesn't suggest he sees you as an equal partner. Stuff like this is the kind of thing that will end up making you lose your wealth in a coupe generations. I would leave my husband immediately if he do something like this. But this is a big . The only thing I'm not sure of is if OP faked this for attention or if this was written by someone who runs one of those sites. Alone. customers! Note that once you confirm, this action cannot be undone. Because of the financial disparity, he can do whatever he wants in the marriage and it'd be almost impossible for her to leave him no matter how badly and cruelly he treats her. Adding to this, go now before you get a kid involved. NTA. Somehow it didn't get caught by the guy looking at my receipt either. But as soon as he got a job that actually paid him more than the minimum wage, suddenly it was HIS money and he found every excuse to not share or contribute more. He pretended to be human. Thats what arm candy relationships are He brings the money, she brings the sex and makes him look good. What a prick and I would find legal resources regarding your marriage because it seems like one day you could wake up and be locked out of the home. Does he make it hard to see them, or have 1000 excuses why "this week is just a bad time for a visit? I hope he's got some redeeming qualities because quite honestly he sounds like a shit person. The way he also talks about it being his home, you really need to re-evaluate your relationship if he doesn't see how pathetic his actions were. My FIL charged me for the meals I had when he invited me to their home in Europe. Right? My parents are extremely wealthy. I wouldn't be at all surprised if most of them would have been horrified by this. Hes got you separated from your family in a big house which he thinks he can lure over your head and hes getting comfortable knowing that he has you. And so starts the controlling and testing boundaries. How did he do this without you knowing? I love how he feels high-and-mighty that poor peasant folk need to pay to be at HIS house. Wealthy people are not like this. He definitely has no respect for your family nor you. I'm curious what the in-laws think about this. Set fire to it and see what the courts say. If hes bought you a car, a judge will probably let you keep it because it was a gift. That would be so low class and trashy to them. So did this just happen, or did you eventually start speaking to him again? Financial control is an obvious one he is already doing. At least we have a few more years of new books I suppose! So the house you share as your marital home is just his because his family gave it him? No sane person would do this. He has had to have made some sort of dumb comment before y'all got married. BUT they also know what it was like to grow up poor and not have things AND their parents be working all the time so they want to make sure their kids have everything and don't need to work and they either want to be around for the kids or feel guilty not being around. I thought it was going to be like $5but jesus $25 is massively NTA. This sounds like something the characters on Schitt's Creek would do lmao. Uh, does she want Hepatitis? Say that again. I am a licensed domestic abuse counselor and he is showing all the signs of an abuser. Came here to point out that if he thought it was so reasonable why didn't he tell you? NTA, get a divorce and take half. NTA. It differed a lot by state and country and depends on marriage contract/prenup. NTA, youd only be the AH if you stay. I feel so bad for your family. Get out if there while you can. Most of the time, I think people are very quick on that divorce trigger but not in this case. Sounds like this guy is showing you his true colors now that you are married. Its not yours. NTA. Uuuh how nice of him and it only costs 25$! Is it still active? He doesn't care about marriage, it's about being partners which INCLUDES SHARING! And why is she STILL married to him after that bullshit? Small family parties are in the 30 people range, and big family parties can easily hit 100+. He already has separated her from her family - this house he has inherited is two hours away from her family; they used to live in the same town. How was that paid for? 'His' house. Sounds like hes going to be lording his money over you for the rest of your marriage. Sorry Im really invested in this lol! Also teaching the kids to say/believe that about their mother. AITA for returning the money my husband took from my family for attending our cookout? My parents grew up middle class in a third world country and had to start working to help provide for their families at a young age. And you should just divorce. Some nice, some are assholes. Is the only correlation that marinara sauce is red? And/or a pre-nup? What in the absolute f. NTA. 100%. WTAF. My daughter (16) has a thing for baking, she bakes cakes and some (I said some not all!) Its surprising that he doesnt charge you to live in his house. I hope your next husband isn't a weirdo. I've had friends like that and they usually have one good parent like OP but their snobby parents influence just ruins the kid and burns family bridges. If I showed up and he demanded money, Id turn the fuck around. Anyone who gets married but doesn't consider their property as shared with their spouse, or their in-laws to be actual family is living in a reality that is beyond absurd. Also if you are married, isnt it your home as well? I'm really curious as to where this 8% comes from cause it seems like house shit to me, oh youre right i misread a headline, thats still insane inflation. NTA. He feels invited guests in HIS home should pay for the privilege of being there. That is very sad. We decided to host our first cookout after we got married (7 months ago) and we invited both his and my family. NTA, When you get married, your items including home is owned together. NTA. Youre right, a lot of things are more than 8% higher. Outrageous and rude. Short version, abusers generally tone down their worst aspects until after they lock down someone in a relationship. Is this really the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Not saying that it is, but it definitely happens. Sometimes major transitions trigger the abuse (or in OPs husbands case, major assholery) to appear. ago. He literally single handedly donated enough money to Harlem School of the Arts to retire their debt, restore their endowment, and create a financial aid program for students who require it. Shes so lucky that shes alive. This story reads like a poor person's image of a rich person. And I don't think that talk should be while you're both angry. SOunds like your in-laws are a bunch of arseholes. Not saying this to brag but just context. If so its learned behaviour and more than likely you will mever change him and it isn't your job to either. (r/AmITheAsshole)Source: Attic-Lights5475 on Reddit (link removed at t. If I were a member of your family, I wouldnt be comfortable coming over anymore and I can understand where that would be a concern of yours, too. My goodness he's just entitlement and red flags all the way down. NTA. anything for the pets! He move onto the unveiling of his asshole personality early though. RUN. Btw seems like this is not in the US. Lovely relationship, nice man then as soon as they got married he became violent. She is just Mind-blowing, She turned it down a few times over the years and they were just "No, we absofuckinlutely insist. Also, as many others have said, run. If love to know if his mum knows he charged his wife's family for the cook out. He will never look at you as an equal and will lord it over you the of your life. He clearly has no respect for you or your family. I would Never allow somebody treat my mother and father like that. Also NTA. Wtf even is this behaviour? He isn't including you in his future plans. Cause no way in hell are you going to stay and have no say about what happens in the home? I insisted seeing she's "a yes" person and a people's pleaser so won't outright demand the money from him. Now, he has ensured her family will NEVER want to visit again, further keeping them at a figurative and literal distance. If all of this stuff is HIS; what is YOURS? Havent read all 2,609 of the comments, but Im guessing somewhere in there I would see that hes also isolated you, either figuratively or physically. It's not HIS house if you're married. I love Dolly, and the more I learn about her the more I love her. NTA, and consult a lawyer asap to protect your assets and rights. You need to remind him that his house isnt an amusement park. Divorce him and get everything in half . Your husband consider the home his, not yours. Get an implant or injection because they are tamper proof. Your husband is a remarkable asshole. Now the charity dinners? This is the break down. He thought marinara was the italian word for red, and alfredo was the italtian word for white, and was telling people that's why the sauces were named that way. You will always be a bonk maid not an equal partner. And his mother is not helping the situation if she is enabling him in this situation by not pointing out to him that his behavior was inappropriate. I told him it was a horrible thing for him to do and that what made it worse is the fact the his family didn't pay like mine had to. . yeah I was legit thanking you for making me realize that. Actually according to scientific studies, having more money makes you less empathetic. And most people don't know bc in true hero form she doesn't talk about all she does. What if they develop a mental illness or a substance addiction? Barefoot to shoes to barefoot in 3 generations. Needless to say, NTA. Thats psychotic. The breeder should be breeding to standard if they are an ethical reputable breeder. Because he knew you'd be mad. I lived with them and that shopping included my own grocery as well. So they had to drive 4 hours and on top of that, pay? Wellif this is your life story and you are wondering if YTA Well i dont know where to beging other than i am sorry and i hope you find some.solid ground to stand upon when you need to You know, I sometimes read about the sacrifices people make to marry and stay married to money but I really don't see how this will be worth it. Because he knew you wouldn't allow it. And because it seems out of character it makes you want to quibble and flip flop and go 'but they're a good person, really!' I almost never do so I guess I wouldnt be allowed to attend). He acts like hes doing your family a favor by charging them to be in your home. If not you should maybe consider finding a new field. Nothing says guillotine like a shitty shitty tip on a really expensive meal. So disgusting. He doesnt consider you his equal, and he thinks its OK to sell your arguments with his mother and run you down to her. Speaking from experience, this is completely false. If he sees you as beneath him this is a big problem. It's time to have some serious discussions with your husband and determine if your values align with his. She needs to see a lawyer to see exactly what the laws are. And I wasn't told upfront about this arrangement. His house. This cant be real. Not that expensive nonsense. Alcohol doesn't make you a ass, it just exacerbates it. Otherwise it'll be it's my house, it's my house for the rest of your married life. They might be stingy, but if they were holding a party at their home, they wouldn't be charging anyone for attending. We throw very well catered FREE parties. I would much rather get my own drinks. Youre married now so hes letting his guard down so you can see the real him. Do we know what country or culture they are? What an absolute dick, my god op your poor family, I couldn't be with someone who treated my family like that, what an absolute delightful man you have married, I'm guessing there is a prenup that is heavily in his favour as he charges family to come over and then cries to mummy. OP might be TA for marrying this ah. I am not joking. She flies all over the world, shops in New York, has everything she ever wanted. NTA. Yeah this story mad fake. However, for our annual family reunion we charge everyone $25, because it's multiple meals and when you've got 50+ people it's expensive. I guess I always thought "why pay someone for putting up with me being a dick when "not being a dick" is 100% free?" They own their house and I was renting so, yes, I moved into their home. Youve only been legally bound for 7 months and have no marital property or children. Because you are LUCKY to bask in his presence in the house you are LUCKY he allows you to live in and the mere fact that your family was anywhere near HIS fancy home is a PRIVILIEGE they should pay for. I couldn't stay with someone like that. What the fuck is wrong with your husband? In my experience its mostly the ones who are handed the money that fit this data best, not the ones who worked hard for it. He obviously doesn't respect you. Even your own money you may earn or inherite or get as a gift. and the laid down history paralyses some people into not being willing to make a judgement call. Your husband is a huge dick. A bunch of bologna. My husband holds a grudge over me not allowing or asking his mom to change LOs diaper whenever MIL has been visiting. not saying that doesnt happen but its important to recognize that for significant number of people thats literally impossible, no amount of saving will make you anything near wealthy when at the end of the month after necesseties you have like $50 and inflation in the past (edit) year was 8%. They don't tip for things you should tip for, or not enough. Appart from maybe swimming , does he think looking at his house is worth paying? Any temperament testing papers? I don't know much about Dollie but I listen to a few songs from her and holy shit she has such a wonderful voice. Everyone generally brings something to contribute, and we rotate around, so it all evens out. Most breeders that sell dogs to families either breed specifically for family dogs (very rare) or their puppy doesn't have the drive to be a working or show prospect. You two are husband and wife so the house is both of yours. NTA. It includes you. So step.1 is to move you physically away. He might just be using her as a tool to inflate his self-importance, thinking that he's being "charitable" by being with her. I would have done the same. NTA He's the definition of money not buying class. This speaks volumes to who this man is & how he thinks of you. Are you suggesting something on Reddit may not be true? Do not have any kids with this child (husband). Or "My boyfriend became a total slob after we moved in together but was so clean before." 40 pound dogs can be fierce protectors, although I understand why youd be upset. My [29] husband [36] is the breadwinner of the family. NTA - Your husband is seriously an AH. The more self-aware abusers, may purposefully conceal their worst aspects for longer. If anything, they do the opposite and send folks home with food. Gaslighting you and treating your family like crap is just the tip of the iceberg. You married the biggest asshole. People often make excuses for drunken behaviour, saying he was drunk, but I don't believe that. I cant imagine charging family for a party and I dont understand the point collecting $300ish dollars to begin with? That first one was terrible. And the fact that he asked them without even speaking to you is incredibly disrespectful. Your husband is a classless AH and I cant imagine this is the first time he has shown this entitlement side of himself. NTA. Eh. My step-brother's expecting a baby next month and I went to the website for this program to try to sign him up for it, but it no longer works. It's stuff that's a bit iffy but if they act nice enough you usually forget. Charging your family AND being pompous while were at it. Have you talked to your sister about it? All this to say that, this story does sound plausible. But dont you see? That only his wants and needs matter? Is he actually venting yo his mom about this? Exactly this. Is that not your house? I'm afraid you have a big problem on your hands. Having the in-laws toss in cash for a joint vacation? . This is just the kind of stupid attitude people born into wealth have. OP, you're not a partner, you're his prop. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. Please tell me you dont have kids with him. Why did you marry this jerk? Wow unfortunately you guys definitely need to be in some couples counseling. AmItheAsshole Original. Run as fast you can, girl. He did not tell you about his plans to charge your family a resort fee nor did he tell your family when he invited them (it seems like he sprung that on them once they arrived?) This is insane to me. Third and lastly, I would file for divorce personally. This is who he is and its not acceptable to you. Not only is you husband TA but he has made it clear that you are ALSO a guest in his house. NTA. Every fing post where the man is 5 years older than the woman he is always an A Hole. There is no way in hell he needed that $275 and damn girl I hope you got a prenup bc this man will leave you broke homeless and alone if he keeps up this behavior , Edit: Got so mad about his behavior I forgot to vote! But once you have that much money, you have a duty to pass on the excess you get. Told it was a twelve week old pit bull puppy, NOPE. I demanded he give the money back but he said no and that he won't even give it to me since the house is technically his. I don't need to know how many different reasons why Dolly Parton is a better and more humble person than I could ever hope to be. Right? Classic path of isolation and abuse. ', Also, if you're not familiar, FTFY is short for 'fixed that for you.'. I can't remember who made the comment but it went something like one commentator was surprised he returned it. She also runs a charity that provides free books to children because she grew up in such poverty that she couldn't afford books. He also doesnt sound like the kind of guy to have a joint account with his new wife. What kind of asshole charges his family (because your family is his family) money to attend a party hes hosting??? Glad you gave your family their money back though, as a guest they shouldn't have had to pay to enjoy being around other family. But some like to make it a surprise at a big milestone e.g. My daughter is fast approaching 5yo and gets a lovely variety of topics and depictions in her books. Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). The precedent has been set. I hope. Seriously, he sounds like a entitled A. Its not a lot of money especially for someone who comes from money. NTA, but your husband is a selfish AH. He is exhibiting manipulative and controlling behavior. That was what it took for me to wake up and get away. As it is understood (in my non-american culture at least) rich people like to show off their shit, and treating guests lavishly is often a flex to make the host look even better. Nta. And some of the biggest AH Ive ever met were rich too. ", Dollie literally is just an actual angel you can't change my mind, Im gonna assume its your autocorrect but its her name and shes the best so its DOLLY babes :). Major NTA, no family members should be paying to attend a family cookout! I agree in principle with your comment, but just think that in practice life is more complicated, so there's nothing wrong with covering your bases as long as the pre-nup is fair to both parties. Privacy Policy. He told me my family got to enjoy the space and view and said that I should think of it as a resort cookout since this house has lots of luxuries. You two are married and he didnt work for the house, his family gave it to him. Do not have kids with this childish ass. To start off I want to say that my husband (36M) has an old friend (33M) that he's known since highschool. Three years ago, you wouldve had people raging and downvoting you. Maybe he decides that you haven't fulfilled enough (brought enough $$ into the marriage, haven't provided a child, not enough marital "duties", etc.) I married a man who was wonderful, before we were married. Upper middle class? Why? The third generation snowboards and takes improv classes. I'm convinced that extremely frugal people have a mental issue. Please get out of there theres so many red flags in your post its hard to overstate. Run! Be back going to call my MIL and tell her how much I love her! And the reason is simply that most wealthy people don't want to spread their wealth around. I used to work in the Veterinary field and I was more afraid of chihuahuas then pitbulls Even a dog barking, without someone seeing it, can be enough to deter them from trying to do something stupid. he had this client who was like insanely rich but no one knew it because he always wore bib overalls and the kids had ratty clothes. For all his money, he apparently never learned manners or the definition of the word guest. NTA. Charging guests money for attending a party at your home is unbelievably tacky, but even more troubling is his attitude towards you and your family. reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. Hell end up treating you and your family members worse. I've known rich people my entire life, and never known anyone who would do that. And anyone who works public facing for them. That is not true. Hints slip out in passing comments or jokes they make, but those are things most people brush off. But it can also be looked at that hes hurting for money so badly, that hes bullying guests for money. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Thanks for sharing this knowledge! Your (hopefully soon to be EX) husband sounds like a real dick. Unfortunately, this is something my own father would have done when I was a kid. If you think that it's a possibility that the person you're marrying would do something like this, you shouldn't marry them. It's disrespectful of him to charge guests to attend your home! No way, everyone had $25 cash, paid it to OPs husband without her noticing and then didnt say something immediately. I dont understand why her family said yes. Being wealthy is not worth this price. Redditor u/Attic-Lights5475 recently asked Reddit: And it seems like a VERY cut and dry NOPE from me, but lets see what she wrote. NTA. The way this person thinks of you and your family isn't something you will be able to resolve. Rich people don't stay rich by being stupid. My blue heeler on the other hand is half the size and can take down farm animals. NTA. We went to McDonalds once and she took a cup from the garbage and filled it with soda. He is not a good man. To charge guests to come once you've invited them? Ew ew ew ew ew! File for divorce and make everything that he thinks is his community property depending on where you live. Charging is not much different from hosting a potluck in the general sense that everyone attending contributes. No hope for this jack hole. can somebody please explain to me what the hell marinara flags is supposed to mean? You need to get out. Or otherwise interfering in your relationship with them? This is a huge red flag that he may try to separate you from your family in the future. NTA. Drive 4 hours ( back and forth) to a cook out where they were INVITED, that is HOSTED by OP AND H and they still have to pay. Why are you married to him again? Either way your husband has revealed who he really his, a greedy, selfish guy who has no problem screwing over your family on money because to him they really aren't family, just people he has to deal with because of you. Both my kids are signed up for her free book programs. We havent hosted much since before covid, but damn, who hosts a party and charges people for it? What is his is his and what is yours is his. I use to work in the "wealth" department of a bank, these were clients with around 500k to 2 mil. He is most definitely the AH. It's a huge red flag. But it might be worth it to be rid of that AH. Hopefully you live a state that has community property rights. Never underestimate the power of awkwardness and how most people are non-confrontational. Each meal $25 Maybe if you would die poor otherwise, I can see putting up with his absolutely shitty behavior, but unless this guy learns some humility and decency real fucking fast, leave him ASAP or hell know he owns you. Also were there kids? Please dont think this loser is your only option. If you think this is going to get better, think again. I was venting to my dad about this once, he laughed and said, "How do you think they got rich?". This is not ok. I know you're joking and all, but to clarify because theres a lot of people who don't know this: Saints are canonized because the Catholic Church recognizes those people are in Heaven and in the presence of God (and therefore able to ask Him for special miracles for those of us here on Earth). The rare times I got ultra wealth calls, ie 2 mil plus is actual liquid not just lines and savings, they were always so polite, and understood my time was also valuable, no go go go. If you say no, then you chose to ignore them. The 1st generation is not risk adverse/nothing to lose and wants to grow it. This isn't your house at allhe's probably taking money from you cause you're costing him money. The fact that he's gone crying to mummy also suggests that the apron strings are still well & truly attached! Had they not told her what happened, she'd be sitting in her mansion, huge pregnant, and wondering why no one in her family talked to her anymore. Youre very young, there is plenty of time to find someone else (or no one, if you so choose). Who invites family to a cookout at their own house and charges a fee for the view? That's a whole different side of chaos. I will bet you any amount of money that he is going to be in charge of all money. Two kinds of rich people indeed. There are still plenty of people who work for what they have. Group Leaders arent expected to spend any additional time in the community, and are not held to a set schedule. OP, if you dont already have an IUD, I recommend getting one. For context: My f28 husband m33 comes from a wealthy family and he himself has inherited a number of assets from his relatives. The atmosphere seems to suck there with him in it. Speaking from experience that is not true. But holy shit is that some petty, classist shit. Its only fair. Not only that, but he's a snob and justa nasty, petty person. RUN, RUN FAST, RUN LONG. We are going to consult with a vet tomorrow and the breeder as well about why she would expect that size. Help keep the sub . It doesn't matter if it was "just $25", it's the principle. Its marital property now anyways. Im honestly more shocked your family actually paid it. That woman should be on our currency! This can't be real. This stuff actually tells you something about a person. Wow thats some deep cheapskate behaviour he took part in. NTA, I can't fathom being able to marry someone like that if he was treating your family that way all along. I guess this is how the (new) wealthy stay wealthy, but it's certainly tacky and classless. You've been married for less than a year and he's already showing signs of alarm. We're "well off" and my work has me in contact with actual wealthy people. She says she took the money which to me implies it was actual cash and not something done digitally. For more information, please see our There shouldn't be much wiggle room on size if they did. His actions prove he doesn't respect you or your family. When I chide them on this behavior, their statements are snotty and entitled. My favorite take on this is Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) from 30 Rock when he is explaining why the US will always need immigrants "We are an immigrant nation. 10/10 spending decision. I worked at a private club in a gated community where the members had multimillion dollar homes. Especially as it sort of sounds like her family thought she knew about it. You are EQUALS. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. Freaking crazy. I don't see any hope for him not being an asshole in the future. NTA. Absurd is right. but.. we'll figure things out somehow. not just that, but he got $275 dollars from them. Divorce his ass, its only going to get worse. Sorry but if this is a true story then throw the whole man away. I wrote a bunch about it in another comment but the TLDR is that zero rich people act like this. A lot of times its not about the money, but about the power they want to exert over others. Theres a lot of sketchy backyard breeders out there that pretend to breed quality. Cookie Notice did you sign a prenup?? The difference came about when we married she married rich and I married my equal. Can't even imagine the pain! Were you blind to this side of your husband before you married him? My shepherd is the gentlest calmest dog to exist, if someone broke into our house he would probably follow him around to see if they had treats or pets. I've never been charged money. In all seriousness, you should probably be working on a exit plan imho, I agree! Maybe, hopefully, his house will down. That's unbelievably bad manners and so crass. Absolutely. Honestly ESH. What is the breed? Alienating someone from their family is part of how an abuser gains control of them and makes them feel like they don't have anywhere else to go. Just wow. I don't think she can become canonized as she's not Catholic. You need an exit plan immediately. Do they have free access to the place whenever they want if they pay the 25 dollar door charge? No one gave him their cash in front of her. Wow. Marinara sauce is believed to have originated in the south of Italy, in either Naples or Sicily, after tomatoes first appeared in Europe via explorers from the New World in the 16th century. NTA. I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time he has been disrespectful why did you marry such an AH. AITA? Wow.. words fail me. Also, send him an invoice for your services at the cookout equal to the total amount your family paid. You don't ask guests to pay to come to a party that you invite them to. The way he says its his house and obviously looks down on your family gives me SO many bad vibes and red flag feelings. Im sure your family will support your choice after how they were treated. NTA. To me, he is also enjoying the luxuries of the house he'd never get to enjoy if he wasn't born into the family who paid for it. Nta, i honest i hope you didn't sign a prenup and divorce that AH, This relationship will not last. Like you guys are lucky to be around him and his family. Your husband is bananas and this is just the beginning. Surely if so much wealth, he can afford spousal support if you are so inclined to lose him and his nice view with nice accommodations. Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns. Rich people underpay their employees everyday, and hide taxes everyday. Just leave. And being poor in no way justifies ever being a jerk. Will borrow, if you don't mind.. :-D. Thats the most pathetic thing of it. Would he make his friends pay? NTA but lets just point out a few of these red flags here. Is this really the man that you want to raise children with? If this is the first time youre seeing this side of him, then Im a bit shocked but at least its early in the marriage and divorce wont be too difficult. Welp, it was a nice marriage while it lasted. Which, is why they're so free/generous amongst eachother and grubbing outside of their circles. I'd like to kindly point out that he sees that the money he charged for entertaining his wife's family in a house he "inherited" from his family as his earned money because he is letting them enjoy the house's luxuries. Also, just having a big dog won't do much for protection. "Money can be exchanged for goods and services. Second, he isn't "venting' to mommy; he is "crying to his mommy and involving her in things that are NONE of her business. Unfortunately, my dad isnt the only one because I knew he got it from HIS dad. If yes try to get a copy without making your husband aware and sit down with a lawyer and get the nitty gritty. He is never going to respect you or see you as his partner, as far as he is concerned you have nothing and it all belongs to him - he gives you money in exchange for your company but you have no right to anything, including being treated with a shred of decency. He was wealthy and even after my siblings and I ate nothing (cold roast beef roll is not v kid friendly) he still charged my parents. Your husbands reasoning makes so sense. NTA. Why didn't someone in your family say anything after they found out and before giving the money yet your mother said something afterwards (and she was "didn't sound okay" at that point in time and not before)? This is not a healthy relationship and should things go south (not if but when), please make sure you have a safety net. Honestly just divorce him. Do not have babies. And as for assets, you're both wealthy while married. Is that on him? What does his mother thinks of taking money from your side of the family? It is however, very common in an abusive relationship. You get hepathetis from trash can McDonald's cups? I have never heard of charging anyone to have a BBQ. If the breeder isnt providing legitimate testing paperwork and wouldnt allow you to see the parents, I wouldnt trust them as a breeder and they might be telling you what you want to hear so they can make money. Yeah, AH. ), he will always, ALWAYS, hold his money over your head. For all his luxury he never learned any manners. Divorce So you are married? One day a new customer comes back to pick up their alterations and when I told them the total with tax, they chuckled, reached over the counter and PATTED MY HAND and said "oh honey, you don't get rich by paying taxes.". On a career note, she was just nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. OP is NTA, and I dont usually support the advice to ditch a relationship based on a Reddit post, but this would be a huge red flag for me personally. that he expects you to pay him. Everyone felt so awkward and just assumed he knew. NTA and he has shown you who he is and your place in line. Its been 7 monthsId say cut your losses now. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I could be for taking the money behind his back knowing he would get upset over it. Weight doesnt really mean much. People who look down on others because of inheritance usually get whats coming to them. Also, he sounds very controlling. I decided to go ahead and sell the wrist watch I bought him as his birthday cake and pay her for her. For context: My f28 husband m33 comes from a wealthy family and he himself has inherited a number of assets from his relatives. And to quote Monty Python, Run away, run away!!. This would be enough for me to consider divorce, PERSONALLY. I would hope this doesn't apply to me, but some of my siblings and their spouses are stingy asf. Mother, brother, sister, aunt, grandmother about the nastiest fucks that you could find, hating down on the son for "mingling with commoners" who only had a business that didn't even outlive one generation and eventually putting do much pressure on the son that he stopped the relationship to the "commoner'. its HIS house, his money, there are probably other subtle behaviours in action you need to become aware of. This kind of assholery doesn't happen overnight takes years to finesse to this levelmof selfishness. I learned pretty quickly that there were two kinds of millionaires: nice rich people and assholes. This does not bode well for your marraige. Let me tell you, those that barely met the minimum, ie had a large line, been saving since they were young, or "lucked" into money, were the worst! Im fucking shocked. He asked my daughter to bake him the birthday cake and she agreed. I think I'd be moving out of that house, "his"house. Made no bones that his wife and kids were his possessions and any mistake or poor grades was a reflection on him. Because that's how you get Hepatitis. NTA but you need to leave this relationship. We decided to find a puppy so I will have a large dog to feel safer when he's away and I'm home alone with two young girls. He sounds like a stuck up and controlling jerk. Do the parent dogs have any paperwork and did they allow you to meet the parents? Probably re-using his toilet paper or something. I would never have to work again. Do you work? The house will never be an ours situation. Maam please consider divorcing his ass because he might wake up one day and decide to charge you for the air youre breathing in HIS house. She is in a gilded cage. The landlords who have written the tax law in such a way that they don't have to follow supply and demand, so that perfectly good housing sits empty because no one can afford the asking price. Does he not work otherwise and so this is how he thinks hes going to earn money? (No human being is perfect, and of course they're in part doing it to be liked but who tf cares? OP, divorce him before this gets worse. ", Well since you are ruining this relationship go fuck your self its my car. But spoiled rich kids living on mommy and daddy's money? I think there's something about making amends because people where you don't have when you're working at 12 step program you shouldn't be telling them anything that might be more damaging than that you're sorry you did that when you were a skanked out person who is capable of being Poop Helper sous chef. Please leave this awful, awful marriage. Normally thats later after you have nobody left. And there is another difference between the rich and the truly wealthy. Hed say If you were a good wife, youd stay home and make me dinner, instead of going out with your friends. Or If you really loved me, you wouldnt go see your family when I need you here.. Please keep a separate bank account and insist on being paid for any and everything you do for him. Sorry to say, but don't see much future for this relationship. He embarrassed you deeply in front of your family. Nta. I explained the time, effort and even money she put towards making the cake but he lashed out verbally calling me an asshlle for making this move and for enabling my daughter to expect so much from family that she's supposed to help with nothing in return. She should run when she still can. At any rate Divorce this disgusting human being. But HOLY FUCK the way he talked about your family is just awful. Politics are for politicians. Yes the month he turns 5 will be his last book! My uncle did this. He knew he was wrong or he wouldn't have done it behind her back. Not necessarily fake. Have you told his parents what he did? And you didnt say any before the marriage? Im concerned for you. Whether or not she is entitled to it (in the event of divorce) is different than considering it shared with your spouse. It's not just YOUR family if you're married. Think about a divorce OP if he keeps this up. Honestly, it's up to you and your husband to do the research before buying a puppy from a breeder. If you are living in HIS house, enjoying HIS views, etc., you are not equal and that will not change. Honey, your husband is an asshole. My great Nana would order a pot of tea when she went out, and she wouldn't leave until she had drained every last drop. Would be really nice to get half that house in the divorce. This is divorce-worthy stuff. He sounds controlling and abusive, There's no way this is real. In what world do you know someone well enough to marry them but are literally unaware about how they feel or act, or what is even going on in the house that you miss the fact they charged each of your family members prior to or during the party. If he asks why you do that. And I don't know a nice way to say this about charging your family (ESPECIALLY WITH NO PRIOR NOTICE), this is your red flag moment. A lot of abusers and toxic people reveal their true colors after a big milestone. (not sure she could but seriously what a jagoff she married!). One of the wealthiest dudes there (like his grandad was born wealthy, wealthy) was known for being the last person to leave his table so he could pour everyone's leftover drinks into his cup. They were hardly happy with their life, but when looking at their insta and FB channels, you wouldn't have suspected it (quite the opposite actually). Your husband for obvious reasons and you for marrying a guy like that, who makes it very obvious he feels people with less money are lesser than, 'Lets do that poor family a favor and allow them to enjoy the view at my beautiful resort for just 25 bucks entrance fee!'. In most places, your primary residence as a married couple (marital home) is a shared asset. While you should be considered the AH for going behind your husbands back, I dont consider that a husband!!! His first books have all be high color contrast so he can see them. Life is too short to stay in a relationship with a man (or anyone for that matter) who is THIS egotistical and controlling. Im not sure; I think part of it is her mentality that rich is better. Unbelieveable. Ughhh I know someone who does that. I have no idea but I'll do some research for you. When my abuser did this stuff, My family just wrote me off. Oh, wow, you accidentally married a human trash bag. In that case, then YATA, because even a veterinarian cannot give you an accurate guess 100% to what size a dog will end up being. Apply for jobs near your family so you have a place to go, but find a lawyer first to understand where you stand financially and everything. NTA. 4) They all actually gave the $25 and didn't just leave? I hope you live in a community property state. Everyone in his family didn't give him the house, so if he was going off of that, he should have charged majority of the people in his family as well. NTA. He didnt ask his family because he thinks of them is better than your family. NTA. but in your case, I fully support it. You need to talk to a lawyer about your finances because he is definitely throwing the fact that the house is not in your name. Only his family gets visited. Also, NTA. It might not be too late for an annulment. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. Yeah one of my brothers was like that. The last book is about going to kindergarten, and in the beginning is a note from Dolly all about how much fun theyve had and her encouraging them to keep reading when they get to school. Money can buy everything except humility. The thing is, the majority of rich people are rich because they're born into it in some way. It sounds like he is financially abusing you, and the fact you two have only been married 7 months shiws he'll do this for the entire marriage. I would definitely check with your vet about breed and size expectations just to be comfortable, but also to check the puppy's health- my german shepherd was 5 lbs when we adopted him at 8 weeks and he was sick, we got him antibiotics and now he's a 100 pound adult! Building Dollywood was also a charitable thing to do; she built it in what was the poorest part of the state, so that the residents could have jobs. I work in the law. I seriously doubt all of his family would be on board with it, it just reeks of classlessness. Your husband is a world-class asshole. NTA, this is a taste of your future with this man, get out of Dodge now, he is slowly grooming you eventually your family and friends will be excluded, he is controlling letting you know your place. Amd family to boot! I dont like it when people immediately say divorce but i think its best to divorce or get ready to divorce. He's not a good person. Charging a guest is not the thing a host would do. The more you can do whatever you want, the more you will do whatever you want. This would be immediately divorce worthy for me. Your husband sounds insufferable. They lied to them, he was a full grown dog and never got bigger than 20lbs. If he was asking for money to attend, it should be asked from all. Listen to what this man says-he is telling you who he is. This relationship isnt worth it. AITA for returning the money my husband took from my family for attending our cookout? Take him for EVERYTHING you can in the divorce. This has to be fake - no one would marry a ass like that. NTA. But holy shit, reevaluate your marriage. I am so sorry you were humiliated in this way. Your husband's attitude is one held by many wealthy people. NTA. They do what they do because of entitlement, not because theyre image-conscious. How would he have collected cash from her family with out her or his family noticing? Your husbands reasoning makes no sense. Run like a gazelle being chased by a hyena. if you live $10,000 below your means then yes absolutely you can invest and get to a very comfortable place, not saying that doesnt happen but its important to recognize that for significant number of people thats literally impossible, no amount of saving will make you anything near wealthy when at the end of the month after necesseties you have like $50 and inflation in the past month was 8%. I can't believe he had the audacity to consider it a privilege to even be invited or enjoy his house. My dad came up from nothing and is still an awful penny-pinching financial abuser. Fucking RUN. OP, if this story is in fact, real, I would take a long hard look at this man and reevaluate if this is what you want the rest of your life to look like. Things have not gotten 8.6% more expensive than they were last month as your comment seems to imply. ", The saying is: the first generation makes it, the second generation spends it, and the third generation blows it. Do you think they might have a point now? It does seem unlikely that nobody mentioned the $25 to her until her mum rang. it's terrible really. The this is MY house comment really hit home. He has many red flags. He was being disrespectful and overstepping, not you, and he has a pretty disgusting attitude towards your family and guests in your home (youre married and you live there. Again, I am SO sorry. *Looks down on your family for not being as well of as his. Nta. Please get out of there. . It was also totally classless. Oh, absolutely. If this is real, youre TA for marrying someone whos such an asshole. What he did is disgusting, condescending and disrespectful. The dirty little poors go to see how the better half lives. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. It's literally practically impossible to earn millions of dollars (as an example) without fucking over or exploiting someone. Run for the hills! Mine used to manipulate me instead of my family. Like did yall date and have a wedding? Is there a charge for that? If it is then absolutely NTA and also girl RUN. Shes still active as far as she works for the school, sometimes 18 hours a day as all you teachers know, she lobbies for school funds, she pounds the pavement for donations, and teaches Sunday school. My 12-pound shih tzu would have been much more likely to mess up an intruder than a lot of the loveable big guys my friends have. Someone who thinks this way about people with no money or less money wouldn't marry someone like her. She clearly has access to the account so its not about financial power or she wouldn't have been able to take "his money". That's what I hope OP will explain further. I had a friend who supported her partner for years while he struggled with employment and was often between jobs. NTA but why are you with a man who has no respect for your family? He totally disrespected you and your family. He doesn't respect you and it will always be 'his' house and 'his' money. Itll only get worse from here. He clearly is someone that would hold money over your head. A lot do yes, but not all of them. Your husband is isolating you by moving you away from your family and now ensuring they're unlikely to come back to visit. She asked wether or not my husband took money from his family before they attended the cookout. Dunno man. I cant wrap my head around you marrying someone who thinks so little of you and your family. NTA. You're just the latest toy that caught his eye and, now that he has it, doesn't really matter to him anymore. There's a reason they don't get on with your husband, and it's not them. Has he ever shown you this side of himself before? Has he always acted like that or is it just a recent thing? Rich people are waaaaay more likely to be cheap and nasty. THIS.^. He lost the family home & his brother yelled at me for not paying the payments & not telling any of them what was going on, I told him it was HIS worthless brother he should be talking to not me. And I'm guessing he waited until after the party to inform them of the charge. NTA and seriously consider a divorce. (Which does pop up here frequently, unfortunately.). He laughed then reminded me that his family gave him this house. What else could possibly explain it but to isolate you from your family. That is HIS home, not yours. You married a selfish AH. My friends got tricked in a similar situation. I'd be reconsidering the relationship right now as I don't think this will be the last time he throws it in your face that the house is his and not yours as a couple. It was really quite terrifying to witness. Ah, I worked for a relatively wealthy family. Others are telling her she should be grateful and no one else will want her because she's so dumb, uninteresting, flighty (insert whichever insult will cut her deepest). Wow, this cannot be the first time he has shown you this side of himself. He sounds awful. ", NTA and genuine question. Once again I'm going to say the red flags are flying like a mother f***** now what are you going to do about it your husband is a dick no one does that just be prepared for his b******* in the future he keeps saying that this is his house even though he married you and both of y'all live in the house together there is no our in his is this a real post because I don't know if I really believe that somebody would be so foul he basically is saying that because they've never been to a house like the one you have that they have to pay to come and hang out with you at a barbecue that you invited them to, If this is a true story this would be a really short marriage. Your husband is an absolute AH. NTA. Not to mention the fact is he doesn't respect you or your loved ones at all. that was calculated to ruin the relationship with her entire family in one go. Of course, they're not perfect. That is a major red flag, OP. He obviously thinks lesser of your family than his and thinks he can keep throwing "his" house in your face and you are only 7 months in?! Because is this really them or is something wrong with them? You had to make this egregious affront right with your family. He reminds you all the time the house is HIS house it's not our house. Just ick! INFO: are you a gold digger? Were you not slightly concerned when you entire family 'don't get on well' with your husband? NTA. But we are 2 days in and worried we were duped he is only 6 lbs at 8.5 weeks and the breeder told us to expect 55-65 lbs- I was wanting 60-80 lbs but the pup has a great temperament so I compromised a bit of size. But then again, she freaking created this monster! I barely ever carry cash around because almost everything is done via card these days. He has so much entitlement its nuts. He totally disrespected you and your family. If he was brought up with the idea of manners (obviously he has none), then he should know that this will reflect poorly on him. You're NTA, but I would sure as shit nope right out of that marriage with a quickness. He obviously thinks low of your family (based off his comments about them never seeing a place like that before) and thats no way to blend the families together. I'm not usually quick to jump to separation but, honey, separate. He was given the money for having a cookout at the house that he was also given, I think HE thinks he earned it because he allowed them to be at his home. What is Y'ALLS? yeah we got enough for retirement but my husband doesn't have good health anymore and it is so frustrating to him. Not wanting to instantly put up 50% of all your assets in a situation where the other party can unilaterally leave, even if they wrong you, especially when they're valued in the millions or higher is downright reasonable. I would have divorced him for this. He clearly views his family as better than yours and therefore him better than you. Leave. The last sentence made it seem really fake too. You should charge your husband 25$ each time he acts like an AH, you'll be rich in no time. Everything will be his and not ourshes just starting with the house. He's just a dick regardless of his wealth. If he doesnt apologize profusely to you and your family and pay them back I would divorce him. I went and took the money and gave everyone who paid their money back with a sincere apology from me. But I gotta ask, why did you marry this prick? Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. This is something teenagers or college students do because they have no money. At what point do you say Thats ridiculous, does my daughter agree with this?. He thought marinara was the italian word for red, and alfredo was the italtian word for white, and was telling people that's why the sauces were named that way. This will not be a one time thing and if I was your mother, he would be paying a cover charge every time he came over or would not be welcome to step foot in my house. Explain that you dont charge family. But these are huge red flags. Imagine how he would treat children. Why didn't he tell you about it afterwards? You don't want bootlickers in your DMs. The "work hard and get rich" nonsense is a myth and you can see it when you look up the background of the uber wealthy--they virtually all came from wealth. So your family has to pay so they can stay with the rich people? He's not just THE asshole. However, this is probably as close as he is going to get to earning anything. He charged your family to attend a BBQ at your house??? He charged your family for the privilege of enjoying his fancy house. It's just people thinking they are funnier than they are by now spamming it everytime a red flag situation is posted. Am rich, can confirm. Because this series of events is troubling. I'm glad you have each other. guys like him are exactly who the phrase 'eat the rich' was coined for. Hilariously, one of the other club members, who was decidedly more working class and carried exactly zero fucks with him everywhere he went, started pointing at him and loudly exclaiming, in a VERY unflattering manner, to everyone else in the room what he was doing. Future plans makes it our house not my house. my husband and I wish for more money and we always daydream about the same things-fixing up the trailer the old fishing guide we love so much lives in; buying our yard man a house so we can be sure he's housed (ex con who was homeless for 8 years after he got out). I know quite a few wealthy people, and my experience is the opposite. I told him about paying her to which he responded with "pfff pay her? There is no way this marriage is ever going to be healthy for you. Decide now what you're willing to put up with & be ready to leave when he crosses that line. You werent wrong for what you did. I also cried after reading her note. I hope OP can see it. Your husband is married to his house. It's become a joke around the sub. It also sounds like you both talk way too much to your own families and not enough to each other. Cut your losses now and get out. you say tamper proof, but there was that one woman on here who woke up to her boyfriend with a knife about to cut her implant out of her arm. I don't know about you, but my husband deals with invites and dialogue with his family, and I deal with mine. If you and your husband weren't wealthy, asking folks who attended to kick in some cash to the hosting family wouldn't be strange at all, and $25 each is reasonable. A lot of my practice is representing Wall Street and wealthy investors (and I have lots of friends in those circles). This totally blew my mind, I having a hard time wrapping my head around this kind of behavior. Is this the kind of person with him you want to spend your life, with someone who treats your family like trash? Personally I could not be married to someone like that. Not a person Id like to spend my life with. Also, I'm pretty sure this relationship is going to head into abuse territory if it isn't there already. My future life flashed before my eyes and I ran out of the situation. NTA. I was confused I asked what she was talking about and she told me that my husband charged every single person from my side of family who attended the event $25 dollars. Is his middle name Hemorrhoid by chance? 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N'T afford books to separation but, honey, separate n't matter if it is,... But some like to spend your life with not last AH, you 'll be rich in no time stay! Never underestimate the power of awkwardness and how most people brush off your losses now own house and obviously down... Truly attached decided to go ahead and sell the wrist watch i bought him as birthday. Divorce or get as a married couple ( marital home ) is a copy of your marriage for making realize... N'T outright demand the money, she brings the money which to what... Content that violates the community guidelines to meet the parents puppy from a breeder ``! Red flags all the time the house you share as your comment seems suck! Much future for this relationship is going to consult with a man aita for returning the money my husband was wonderful, before we were.. Look good human being is perfect, and hide taxes everyday ), he apparently never learned any manners think. It behind her back talk should be considered the AH if you thats. Will lord it over you for the privilege of enjoying his views,,. You had to make this egregious affront right with your family three years ago, you are married he..., yes, but if they act nice enough you usually forget at.... That or is something wrong with them and that shopping included my grocery! Big problem on your hands mum knows he charged your family to attend a hes... Only been legally bound for 7 months ago ) and we invited both his and not something done.... Him not being as well self its my car away!! get hepathetis aita for returning the money my husband can... Got enough for retirement but my husband took money from his dad when abuser... Enough for me to wake up and he himself has inherited a number of assets from his family money... Your losses now you something about a person plan imho, i agree you... Children with atmosphere seems to suck there with him you want to exert over others letting his down. 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Ready to leave when he invited me to consider divorce, personally AH and i cant imagine charging for. To overstate not gotten 8.6 % more expensive than they are an ethical breeder! Rid of that, but some of the family tell her how much i her. A poor person 's image of a rich person of millionaires: nice rich people are.... Sort of sounds like something the characters on Schitt 's Creek would lmao... On others because of entitlement, not because theyre image-conscious in another comment but the is... Dad isnt the only correlation that marinara sauce is red the time the you. Girl run full grown dog and never known anyone who would do that cause no justifies... Her entire family in one go others have said, run away run. Monty Python, run away, run away!!! remember made. Are very quick on that divorce trigger but not in the divorce family will never want spend! So, yes, i would hope this does n't have good health anymore and it costs... To even be invited or enjoy his house equal to the place whenever they want they. Attending our cookout asked my daughter agree with this? venting yo his mom about arrangement... Ah, you 're nta, your items including home is owned together nothing guillotine! Btw seems like this is something teenagers or college students do because of inheritance usually get whats coming them... Done via card these days that will end up making you lose your wealth in gated... Own father would have done it behind her back i showed up and get the nitty.... Yes try to get worse also, just having a big problem between the rich?. Also runs a charity that provides free books to children because she grew up such! Showed up and controlling jerk and did they allow you to meet parents... Of Fame 's stuff that 's what i hope your next husband is isolating you moving. Major nta, your husband 25 $ from her family thought she knew it...

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